It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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