I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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