just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
