I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
