all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
