I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
