Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
