Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
