I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think my moral compass just broke
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
