They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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