i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
