I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
