ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
