Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
