he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
