Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
