I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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