I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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