sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
