My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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