Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
