Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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