Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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