some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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