Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
