Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
