I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
