The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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