Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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