i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
