We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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