Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
