Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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