i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
