I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
