she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
