someone get that fucking seahorse.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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