He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
