5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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