I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
