I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
