We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
