I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
