She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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