So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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