Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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