They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
