I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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