And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
