I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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