I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
