whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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