I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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