i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
