if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
