Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
