sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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