she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
