I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
