My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
