you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
