I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
