i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
